My first poetry chapbook, Self-Sung Lullabies, has been out in the world for over a month now. That feels so amazing and so surreal to type and read. I have been meaning to write about it for a while but I had surgery less than a week after publication day and life has been in the way ever since. If you want to read a sample of my chapbook’s poems, you can do so here. If you want to get a copy of the book, you can do so here.
One of my favorite things to learn about in English classes back in school, and also in general, is how a book came to be, the story behind the story. That is what I am going to tell you in this post. In order to understand how this book came to be, we need to cast our minds back to a year that will live in infamy: 2020. This story does feature mentions of the pandemic as well as familial and mental illness; please take care of yourself if reading about these topics is difficult for you and don’t read any further. I completely understand.
2020 was off to a bad start, even before the pandemic hit where I was living toward the end of March. A close family member had had a severe allergic reaction to medicine that nearly killed her while my Dad and I were visiting in the latter part of 2019. The aftereffects of that day had landed me back in therapy and while I was glad to be back and was making progress, I was not doing well. And then the pandemic hit and lockdown descended. I, like a lot of people, saw a spike in my anxiety. I’ve always been prone to nightmares and I began having a lot more of them. I also developed insomnia for the first time in my life, which was not fun. No amount of reading or relaxing or exhausting myself during the day seemed to help. I did eventually find some success with melatonin but even then there were plenty of nights when it did not slow my thoughts down enough for me to get to sleep.
To keep myself from throwing a child-like fit of frustrated exhaustion, I did something most writers do when they find themselves bored or waiting or both: I began to think of stories and poems to keep my mind occupied and my body quiet. It was during one of these bleary thinking sessions that I came up with the chapbook’s title, Self-Sung Lullabies. I loved the repetition of the s sounds and, because I felt very alone at the time, the idea that I could sing myself to sleep instead of relying on someone else to do it for me seemed incredibly appealing.
While I had this phrase that I liked, I didn’t know what to do with it. Until I got an email from a press that was sponsoring a chapbook contest and I thought that a chapbook centered around things that I thought about while trying to get to sleep would be a good thing to compile and send in. I chose Self-Sung Lullabies as my title (and put it in one of the poems because I love it when I come across a book’s title in the actual text) and got to work. I had little experience with making a chapbook (except for one I had to create for a poetry writing class in college that I almost failed; I love a bit of irony, don’t you?) but the process of using the time that I had during lockdown to craft this chapbook was a cathartic one, even though I wished I had a few happier poems in it. I did not have it in me to write happy things at that time and when I submitted my edits to the publisher, I decided to keep everything mostly as it was because, despite the darkness of it, I was happy with the results. And I am so happy with this book and I cannot wait to get started on another chapbook (or maybe even a full collection?) soon.
Now for some questions that no one has asked but I want to provide the answers anyway (my blog, my rules):
How did you find out you were getting published? It was about 1:15 in the afternoon on December 26, 2023. I was doing some laundry at my boyfriend’s house after spending Christmas with his family and we were about to go upstairs to watch the horror movie “Black Phone” (prime Christmas movie material right? It was excellent though maybe don’t watch it if you live in a basement apartment like I do). I decided to check my email on my phone before watching the movie and there was the acceptance and the contract, waiting for me. I gracefully said “Oh fuck!” and sat down at my boyfriend’s desk, completely shocked. He came over, concerned that something was wrong. I held out my phone. He read the email and he pulled me into a big hug.
Oldest poem in the chapbook? “A Shadow’s Lullaby”. I wrote the original version of that back in sophomore or junior year of high school.
Newest poem in the chapbook? “Bigger Oceans”. That poem was the first thing I wrote after my mother died in 2021.
Poem it took you longest to write? “An Unusual Wedding Request”. I had the first line of that poem in my head for years before I ever finished it.
Poem you’re proudest of? I’m so proud of all of them, but I have to say “Depression” is the one I am proudest of. I made myself so upset in writing it that I didn’t touch my notebook for a few days afterward because I felt that I had hit a nerve and revealed too much. Writing that poem felt like I had leveled up as a poet.
Here’s a question that some have asked; who is Luke Hoyle? He is my grandpa. Luke was not his legal name but it was the name he preferred. He would have haunted me if I had written it under his real name. I wouldn’t mind being haunted by him but I want him to rest; he more than earned it.
I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, if you have purchased and read the book or even if you’ve read this post. Thank you so much. And thank you, so much, to Alien Buddha Press for publishing this little chapbook of mine. I am so glad to have a book out in the world and I cannot wait for my next one!
Elizabeth Hoyle 